I love you

September 10, 2012 was the first time you had ever told me that you loved me.

We just came back from a long day of hanging out and I decided to sleep over your house. We got ready for bed, gave our good night kisses and said our good nights. Before I went to sleep, I told you "I love liking you". You responded with "Why do we have to say I love like you, when I can just say I love you"…

The butterflies in my stomach rushed out and started flying everywhere. I couldn't believe what I just heard. I felt like I was on a roller coaster and the drop came. I looked at you in shock and asked you to repeat what you just said because it was unbelievable. You did not want to repeat yourself at first, but you did it anyways. I was so shocked to the point where I couldn't even find the words to say it back, but I knew I was feeling the same way. 

The next morning, before I went home, we said our goodbyes and you walked me out. We hugged, kissed and that's when I told you "I love you". You told me that I did not have to say it back if I did not feel the same way, but I knew what I was feeling and it felt right. 

Freshman Year

We met during our last semester of High School and it was crazy that we got to start our first year of college together. 

Although we did not go to the same college in our first semester, we still made it work. I went to Mission and you went to Pierce. Two opposite colleges, but that did not stop us from seeing each other. We both didn't have a car at that time, so we couldn't see each other whenever we wanted to, but looking back at it, we made it seem so easy. Maybe it was because we lived one bus away from each other.

We only spent a couple hours together, but it for us, it was a pretty long time. We did not go anywhere, but stay in bed. We would talk for hours at a time, watch TV and just be lazy. We called this our "lazy days". 

Although we did nothing, to us, it was everything we needed.

Meet The Pillos

That same summer, I introduced you to my parents for the first time.

I once told myself that the first guy I was going to introduce to my parents will also be the last guy. 

I was not sure if we were going to last as long as we felt like we would, but for some reason, I had the urge to introduce you anyways. You were the first guy to meet my parents and also the first guy I welcomed in my home. 

It only took you seven months to win me over. I was not surprise because within those months, we went through a lot for two people who were not even together.

Summer 2012

So that's exactly what we did that summer, we hung out. 

I got to celebrate my 18th birthday with the most important people in my life (at that time) and you. 

You were there to take me to my first club, my first camping experience and many more. I also threw you a surprise party for your 19th birthday.

We were so young, we didn't know what we were doing, but we sure knew what we were feeling.

Graduation Letter

(the photo framed picture of us)

"Mikhail Gerard Montinola, 

What to say? Although I barely met you, you have become one of the most important people in my life. We've been through so much together in the past five months, it's ridiculous. I feel like I've known you for quite awhile now, but it's only been a semester. Crazy how time flies. 

I remember the first time I met you.... 

Thank you for everything. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for being there. You're truly a great friend. I know I will never forget about you, despite all the shit we've been through. I don't know what it is, but you mean so much to me. You truly are captivating. No lie. I was captivated by you, the first time we met and I get captivated every time I see you. Like what I said before, you're like an orange. I have to peel off the skin, in order to get into your sweet side because I like your inner simp. Your sappiness always gives me butterflies. You have such a killer smile and your personality just sums up everything captivating about you. No wonder you got a lot of girls on your sack. LOL. Don't ever change who you are, just try not to smoke as much. I don't want you having yellow teeth. You may be an orange, but I still want you to have white teeth. I care about you and your health, so stay healthy! 

Good luck in college! Study well because hard work pays off. Try not to procrastinate. Although I know you will still procrastinate, I wish you the best in the future. Don't forget me, I know where you live. We are most definitely hanging out this summer. Especially for my 18th birthday. Party or no party. We're hanging out. I will be your future nurse, don't forget that too. This isn't a goodbye, this is a so long letter because I know for a fact that I will be seeing you soon. Take care of yourself. I know we aren't really in good terms as we use to, but I hope we can be close again because you really do mean something to me. You're one of those things I need in my life. I can't lose you. 

Love Always,

Princess Pillos

XOXO"

Class of 2012

We were the class of 2012.

Who would have thought that I would get to graduate with my high school sweet heart?

Before graduation, we stopped talking for awhile. I don't exactly remember what happened, but I knew before we graduated, I needed to make things right. 

So… as a graduation present, I gave you a photo framed picture of us with a letter.

Prom Day

 On April 28th, 2012 we spent the night at the Moulin Rouge, also known as the theme for prom night. 

What can I say about prom? 

I had one of the best nights of my life and I am so glad I got to share that night with you. Looking back, I do not think my night would have been as much fun with someone else.

You were the perfect date. 

My perfect date.

I had such an amazing night with you. Our photo booth pictures, our photo shoots and dancing with you. Everything was perfect. It was way better than I expected my prom night would be and it wouldn't have been that amazing without you.

I pictured my prom night with someone else for so long, that I didn't expect to have spent it with someone else, but I'm glad I did. 

I'll be your Prince, if you be my Princess

Months passed by and I waited and waited for you to ask me to prom. Every waking day that I had to go to school, I was always alert to see if you were going to ask me. 

During the month of prom, I made sure to look extra nice just in case you asked me to prom that day. The closer it was to prom day, the closer I was to losing hope that you were even ever going to ask me at all. 

I had one of the worst days ever. It was 100 degrees, I was on my period and I had practice for my dance competition that was coming up that weekend. I couldn't handle everything all at once. I was stressed and cranky. During our break, from practice, my teammates decided to have a water fight outside. I did not want to be apart of it because I didn't want to be outside. My captain pulled me to go outside, to even just sit down, so I did. Once I walked out, one of my guy friends was holding a poster. He slowly said "Hey Princess… would you… like to… go to… prom… with…" My heart stopped beating, I couldn't believe this guy was about to ask me to prom. I immediately tried to come up with the nicest rejection that I can come up with in my head, but before I can think of an answer, Mikhail popped out of nowhere with balloons and flowers. Mikhail went up to me and asked "will you go to prom with me?" it was no surprise that I said yes, I was waiting for this for so long. 

Although it was a very bad day for me, Mikhail turned it into one of the best days I have ever had. I guess you can say that it was worth the wait. I expected so much, that I got the unexpected.

Inseparable

After our first kiss, our first date and our first time being together, I knew I had to keep you around for as long as I can. 

Sooner or later, we were inseparable. We hung out before school, during school and after school. You walked me to my classes, we would be together during our breaks and I would go over to your house after school. 

We weren't together, but it sure felt like we were together.

April 5th, 2012

 We had our first date on April 5th, 2012. Oh boy was I nervous. I wanted to play it cool, but right when I saw you… I totally forgot the definition of cool. 

That night, we watched two movies. You offered to take me to eat at Cheesecake Factory, knowing that I have never eaten there before, but I did not take the offer. I am more of a simple girl, I chose In N Out instead.

After our movie and dinner, we strolled around the park. We had a long walk with good conversations. After awhile, everything felt so natural. I did not have to think about what to say next because the words that we were both saying flowed perfectly together.

January 20, 2012

You weren't the first guy to have loved me, but you sure are the last guy that I'm going to love. You give me this feeling of home, the feeling of security. You give me this feeling that no one has ever given to me.

The process of our relationship was not as great as it was suppose to be. We had our ups and downs. We didn’t really get along or even work out, but the more I got to know you, the more I fell in love with you.

You’re so captivating. It didn’t take you long enough to capture me.
On January 20, 2012 we had our first kiss. I remember so clearly the way your heart was beating so fast. The closer I got to your lips, the louder and faster your heart was beating. I knew you were nervous, so I made the move. I have never felt a kiss so perfect. The way our lips touched, the way your heart was beating, the way we were both feeling, I knew that you were the one. It’s as if I saw our whole life together flash by me. 
Everything about our first kiss felt so right.

You felt right.

Mikhail Gerard Montinola

Mikhail Gerard Montinola was the boy who stole my heart on January 17, 2012. Our relationship was no fairytale, but he made me feel like a princess. We laughed, we cried, we fought, we were just another couple in this world, but our love story was like no other.

Mikhail was and is still my epitome of a perfect guy. He knows exactly how to make me feel. If there was one person that I needed to count on the most, I knew I could always rely on him no matter where he was, no matter the distant or time. The way he holds me, talks to me and makes me feel gives me never-ending butterflies. Every moment we spend together makes me feel like it's only the both of us in this world. He changed my perspective of perfection. 

How do you explain something so perfect? You can't.

Why does it hurt to love the right person?

 Why does it hurt to love the right person? It’s because you’re afraid to lose them. You're afraid to lose that attachment that you had with one person for so long. That feeling of security when you're with them and getting to bond with another individual, the way you can never bond with any other person. Losing this person may also lead to losing yourself. 


As cliché as it sounds, once you get those feelings for them, in your heart, it’s hard to let go. And when it gets to that point, there’s no one else you would want besides them. Wishing to be with them for as long as possible, right there, by your side. But when it’s time to let go, we have to learn to move on and hope one is making the right decision. By then, we’ll just have to let faith lead the way to that right person for our life. 

I was only 17 years old when I had my first heartbreak...

I was only 17 years old when I had my first heartbreak and I told myself that never again would I fall in love with another, unless I knew that he was the person I wanted to spend my whole life with.

People say you find what you’re looking for when you stop looking. Thats exactly what I did. I stopped looking and hoping that the right person would come along. Instead, I did my own things. I learned how to be independent, I started earning my own my money and spent my own time wisely. It felt nice being alone. I had clearer thoughts and I was happier knowing that I finally had learn to love myself for who I am and not having to live up to anyone's expectations. At the end of the day, the only thing that mattered to me was being able to tell myself that I had a good day.